Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

[Dyre Straits]

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's
wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called
out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor
handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I
can see what I am doing!."


Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the
doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think
there's another one coming."


Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold
that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the
doctor..


Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet
another one coming!" cried the doctor.


The hillbilly scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the
doctor, . .

You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

[Unixlord]

I quite liked Post #4

[Mac Daddy]

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems.

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, "Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!"

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..."

"Look there you go again," said the man, "How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?"

"Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never touched my lips."

"Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?"

"Well, I really don't know ..."

"I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the glass, it's inside the person."

"Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you've aroused a curiosity in me."

"Well let's go inside and settle this"

"No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "scotch" you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I'll try it."

"You're on!" said the guy.

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please"

The bartender sighed and said, "Is that darn nun out there again!"

[gen.Rage1991hrv]

here is one:::))))))

[Mac Daddy]

Ummm funny yes

Questionable content there but until we receive any complaints it stands Gen

And hoping I NEVER need one of those lol

[Mac Daddy]

One day The Lord spoke to Adam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.

Adam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."

[Mac Daddy]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

[Mac Daddy]

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."

The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"

The general replied, "In Vietnam."

[Dyre Straits]

A couple of weeks ago I made a pizza delivery and, while the Dad took care of the order, I noticed his 4-year old son behind him.

"Hey, Sport," I said, "do you like pizza?"

He looked up at me and said, "My name's not 'Sport'!"

His Daddy and I both got a big kick out of it.


Then, some time ago I was making another delivery and there was a 5-year old boy who was a real livewire! He was almost bouncing off the walls he was so active.

While his Mom took care of the order, I looked at him and said, "Hey, do you like pizza?"

"YEAH!!" came the quick reply.

"How many pieces can you eat?" I asked him.

Making a big fast circle motion with his hand, he replied, "I eat the WHOLE thing!"

I can almost believe it, too! LOL!

[Mac Daddy]

LOL I like that one