Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

Noobi Zubi · May 30th, 2006, 10:37 AM

ROFL!

loved the one with the rabbi

Mac Daddy · May 30th, 2006, 02:14 PM

Glad you enjoyed it

Been down 2 days here modem went kapoot .. will get some more jokes up soon

Good one Gen .. Folks don't be afraid to post those jokes K

Mac Daddy · May 31st, 2006, 05:16 AM

After a sexual harassment incident at work, Frank is sent to a Psychiatrist for evaluation.
The Doctor explains that he'll be showing Frank a series of inkblot images called Rorschach Inkblots.
Doctor: "Now Frank as I reveal each image tell me the first thing that comes to mind okay."
Frank: "Sure, I got it."
The doctor shows the first pattern.
Doctor: "What do you see?"
Frank: "A women with really big tits."
Next image.
Frank: "A man and a women screwing."
Next image
Frank: "A women performing oral sex on a guy."
The doctor puts down the images and says, "Frank you seem to have an obsession with sex."
Frank: "Me! Hell Doc, you're the one with all the dirty pictures."

Mac Daddy · May 31st, 2006, 05:17 AM

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

Mac Daddy · May 31st, 2006, 05:19 AM

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms.
Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, Johnny, when I was a
child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would
stay like that.

Johnny looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith, you cant say you werent
warned.

Mac Daddy · June 2nd, 2006, 04:33 AM

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

Mac Daddy · June 2nd, 2006, 04:35 AM

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.

One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that was the time the cock fights occurred in the village.

So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.

"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"

All the alter boys stood up.....

Mac Daddy · June 3rd, 2006, 03:43 AM

A recent survey was conducted to discover why blondes get out of bed in the middle of the night:

- 5% said it was to get a glass of water.

- 12% said it was to go to the toilet.

- 83% said it was to go home.

Mac Daddy · June 5th, 2006, 01:32 PM

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.

He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's ass was that eye staring right back at him.

"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

Mac Daddy · June 5th, 2006, 01:33 PM

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up: "You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase."

The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment."

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace.

The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me boy Jonny."