Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.

Doctor Dave is lamenting over the fact that he has just had sex with a patient.

One side of his brain tells him "Dave, it's OK. It's not like no other
doctor has ever had sex with a patient, especially one as cute as her.
Plus, it was consensual; She practically shoved her face right in your
crotch."

However the other side of his brain says "Daaaaave... You're a vet!"

Jexican, this is the best laugh I've had in ages :grin:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.

Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol
at all.

He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And,
next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick!

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!

Love,
Jillian

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened
last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell
over

the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and
got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order,
so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm
married!"

Broken Coffee Table $39.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins .38
Saying the right thing, at the right time ...... PRICELESS!!!

January 7th, 2005
questions.
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are.



Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)



First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?










Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.



Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?










Answer: If you answered that you are second last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?





Third Question:

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?


Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?




Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?





Answer: Nunu?





NO! Of course not.


Her name is Mary. Read the question again.





Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.
By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.



Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?










He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

[Mac Daddy]

Nice additions Jexican .. THX for the assistance BRO :dance:

Originally posted by Mac Daddy@Apr 20 2005, 01:43 AM
Nice additions Jexican .. THX for the assistance BRO :dance:

We gotta make your thread legendary :good:

[Mac Daddy]

THX BRO :dirol:

And you best get to postin' ... you might fall behind !! :tease:

Originally posted by Mac Daddy@Apr 20 2005, 02:13 AM
THX BRO :dirol:

And you best get to postin' ... you might fall behind !! :tease:

I would have had an extra 20 plus posts if I posted one picture at a time in the other thread lol

[Mac Daddy]

LOL .. saw them very funny Mang :good: