Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

July 3rd, 2005, 01:31 PM

ROFFLMFAOFAAA (rolling on the f***in floor laughin my f***in a** off for ages and ages)

mainman · July 5th, 2005, 06:02 AM

ROFL!!!! Keep them coming guys!! LMAO!!!

July 8th, 2005, 11:30 PM

A drunk guy stumbles into a bar, while making his way to the bartender, stops next to a couple and burps loudly.. The guy gets pissed of and says "How dare you belch before my wife??" The drunk replies: "Oh, i'm sorry, i didn't know it was her turn.."

Two drunk guys leave a bar. After about 200ft, one of them says "Damn man, i forgot to piss.." The other guy says "No problem, i'll teach you"

A drunk guy is sitting on the sidewalk, in front of a bar. A dude walks up to him and asks him whether he's all right etc. The drunk says: "Do you know who i am??" "No.." "I'm Jesus Christ.. and i'll prove it.. come with me.." He proceeds to enter the bar, the stranger right behind him. The bartender sees the drunk guy and goes: "Jesus Christ, are you back AGAIN???"

Not too long ago, a poll was taken woldwide. The question was "Please tell us your opinion about the food shortage in the rest of the world".

The poll was a total failure.

In Africa, people didn't know the meaning of "food"
In Western Europe, people didn't know the meaning of "shortage"
In Eastern Europe, people didn't know the meaning of "opinion"
In South Africa, people didn't know the meaning of "Please"
In the USA, people didn't know the meaning of "rest of the world"

Zealox · July 9th, 2005, 06:06 PM

lol aahahah

Mac Daddy · July 11th, 2005, 02:55 PM

LOL

Hey great job keeping this going while I was away .. got a bunch to post will try this week !!

Mac Daddy · July 12th, 2005, 02:38 PM

Find the Way

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.

As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.

At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?". "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

Mac Daddy · July 12th, 2005, 02:40 PM

Letters On The Skin

Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big Y on her chest.
The doctor asks, " Why do you have a big Y on your chest?"

She replys, " Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."

The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big H on her chest.

Agian, the doctor asks, " How did you get a big H on your chest?" The woman replys " My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."

The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large M.

He says, " Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"

" NO" replys the patient " But my girlfriend went to Wisconsin"

Mac Daddy · July 12th, 2005, 02:40 PM

Lost Ball

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"

Mac Daddy · July 12th, 2005, 02:41 PM

Outsmart The Savages

A British Man, a French man, and an American man are on a safari in Africa, and they are taken prisoner by a savage group of villagers. As they're being brought to the village, they are told that death was their only option, however, they each had their choice of the method they would use to kill themselves. The British man requested a pistol, and cried out "Long live the queen!" as he blew his brains out. The two others watched in horror as the savages flayed the man and made his skin into a canoe. The French man was next, and he requested a Saber. "Vive le France" was what he cried out as he disemboweled himself. The American guy watched again what they did with his body, as they made his skin into a canoe. The last guy, the American guy requested a fork in which to kill himself. As soon as it was handed to him, he started stabbing himself violently as he screamed "So much for your f**king canoe!"