Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

[Dyre Straits]

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM 'He left it where he knew she w ould find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed.The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
(Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.)

[jula182]

hahahahaha....hahahaha...hahhah....

[Unixlord]

MORPHEUS: At last. Welcome, Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I am

Morpheus.

THOMAS: It's an honor.

MORPHEUS: No, the honor is mine. Please. Come. Sit. [Pause] I imagine,

right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole?

THOMAS: You could say that.

MORPHEUS: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who

accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, this

is not far from the truth. Do you use closed source software, Neo?

THOMAS: No.

MORPHEUS: Why not?

THOMAS: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my

computer.

MORPHEUS: I know exactly what you mean. [Pause] Let me tell you why you

are here. You have come because you know something. What you know you

can't explain but you feel it. You've felt it your whole life, felt that

something is wrong with the world. You don't know what, but it's there

like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that

brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?

THOMAS: Windows?

MORPHEUS: Do you want to know what it is? Don't we all feel that there is

more to life...that there is something missing? [Pause] Windows is

everywhere, it's all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it

when you look out your - ahem - window [short pause] or when you turn on

your media center. You can feel it when you login at work, when you surf

to slashdot, when you pay your taxes online. It is the world that has been

pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

THOMAS: What truth?

MORPHEUS: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born

into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A

prison for your mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what Windows is.

You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this,

there is no turning back. You take the recovery disc, the story ends. You

wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take

the Ubuntu disc, you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit

hole goes. Remember, all I am offering is the truth. Nothing more.

(Thomas takes the Ubuntu disc and some cookies.)

[Mac Daddy]

LOL where the heck did you get that Unix ?

[Unixlord]

LOL where the heck did you get that Unix ?

Hint included.

...You can feel it when you login at work, when you surf
to slashdot...

[Mac Daddy]

Originally Posted by Unixlord

Hint included.

...You can feel it when you login at work, when you surf
to slashdot...

[Mac Daddy]

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

[Mac Daddy]

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

[Mac Daddy]

John walks up to the bar tender and bets him $200.00 that he can take off his ear and place it on the bar..
The bartender thinks to himself, "I know this isn't possible"
"OK I will bet you the 200.00 dollars!" the bartendar told John

John took off his ear and placed it on the bar....and then said to the bartender, "You owe me 200.00!!!

The next day John came to the bar again. He had a new bet for the bartender!! "I bet you 2,000 dollars that I can piss in this shoot glass and get every drop in?
The bartender thought to himself again," No way can he do this!"

"OK I'll bet you!" said the bartender.

JOHN STARTS PISSING IN THE SHOT GLASS, THEN ALL OVER THE BAR, ON THE TABLES AND CHAIRS, ON THE STOOLS....

"HA HA I got ya...you owe me 2,000 dollars!!!!" said the bartender.

John said, "Here's your 2,000....it's ok cause you see that table over there? I bet them 6,000 dollars that i could piss on your bar without you getting mad!!!"

[Mac Daddy]