Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

"Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." Brief pause.

Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now."

"Uh, OK then...." Daddy says, "... here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."

"OK, Daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back
to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well Mommy got all scared, jumped out of the bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell downstairs and she's not moving anymore."

"I'm sorry you had to see that, honey. What about 'Uncle Frank'?"

"He jumped out the back window into the swimming pool... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water for Winter, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and he's not moving either." Long pause.

Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Is this 597-7039?!"

A Priest and a Rabbi are sitting on a park bench watching some kids play.

The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and says, “Wouldn’t you like to screw those kids?”

The Rabbi shrugs and replies, “Out of what?”

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented. The first blonde said, "Easter is
a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St.Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said,"Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."

St.Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."

She said," Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him and hung him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder... "

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

So there is this ghost convention every year for people that are ghost fanatics. 100 people show up at the convention, and they are all told to sit down because the convention was starting. The head of the ghost convention stands at the podium and asks the audience, "How many of you have ever seen a ghost?" And everyone in the audience raises their hands.

Then he asks, "How many of you have ever talked to a ghost? And half the crowd raises their hands. And then the leader asks, "how many of you have ever had sex with a ghost?" And one guys raises his hand. The leader says "You've had sex with a ghost!?" And the guys says, "A ghost? ooh, i thought you said Goat"

Ten Things Men Shouldn't Say Out Loud in Victoria's Secret
10. Does this come in children's sizes?
9. No thanks. just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7. Mom will love this.
6. Do you have this with a dallas cowboys logo on it?
5. No need to wrap it up, i'll eat it here.
4. Will you model this for me?
3. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!
2. 45 bucks! you're just going to end up naked anyway!
1. The miracle what? This is better than world peace!

[Mac Daddy]

Good ones Jexican :good:

The Rodeo

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they
stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR."

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs,
said, "That's once a day. You could really learn something from this
one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

[Mac Daddy]

****Warning****

The next couple might be offensive for some members .. I will let the staff decide its just in fun here :clapping:

The difference between Hawaii & Mississippi

Hawaii


Mississippi

[Mac Daddy]

Difference between American and Arab bikers

[eXtortion]

LMAO :rofl: :good: :rofl: :good:
hawaii was really good

[Mac Daddy]

Glad ya liked them eXtortion :good:


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