Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

[mainman]

Pure classics... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :drinks:

[Mac Daddy]

Cowboy Gay Bar .....

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar.

What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, " What's the name of your willy?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies.' "

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job One'." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!'" And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN'!!!!!"

[Mac Daddy]

Hospital Tour .....

A woman noticed that a man was masturbating in a hospital room with the door wide open. "Oh my God!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor that was leading the tour explained, "I am very sorry but this man has a serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they'll explode and he'll die within minutes."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's OK," commented the woman.

In the very next room they could see that a female nurse was performing oral sex on a different male patient. Again the woman screamed, "Oh my God! How can that be justified?"

The doctor replied, "Same illness, better health plan."

[Mac Daddy]

Better Duck !!

[Mac Daddy]

Helping The Handicapped .........

[Mac Daddy]

What Is Sex?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school
said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all
aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment
form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes,
but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

[Mac Daddy]

Cheating Husband

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to
his house for an early afternoon "quickie."

"Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business
trip, so there's no risk."

As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse
and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth
control!"

"No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."

After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in
a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I
always knew she didn't trust me!"

[tomslick]

The definition of "making love".........something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

[Mac Daddy]

Blonde Goes Horseback Riding

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

[tomslick]

Its summer break and a University of Texas stutent and a Texas A&M student get a summer job working on the King ranch in south Texas. Their job, riding the fence line and making repairs. On their 2nd day they ride over a hill to find a small calf with his head caught in the fence. The UT studend dismounts his horse and drops his pants down around his boots and procedes to work the calf over. When he is finished he turns to the Aggie and ask if he would like some. The Aggie dismounts drops his pants down around his boots, sticks his head in the fence and says OK go ahead.