Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

[mainman]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Jexican]

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided
to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends
encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one
thing bothering me.

That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight
miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when
near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to
me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires
for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to
overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go
ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the
stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and
threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then
turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and
stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes,
he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is.....

Always keep your condoms in your car

[mainman]

OMFG!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: great one bud!!

[Danhill]

I can't stop crying

OMFG guys.......

Keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl:

[Mac Daddy]

Good one Jexican :good:

[Mac Daddy]

Whats Michael Jackson up to these days ?? :dirol:

[Mac Daddy]

Computer Golf Caddies ??

Sam approached the clerk behind the counter in the pro shop and said,
"I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."

The clerk behind the counter says,
"The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this. We just got 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and if you will come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."

Sam anxiously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself,
"I think my driver will do the job."

The robot caddie turned to the man and said,
"No sir. Use your #3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

Hesitantly, Sam pulled out his #3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. Delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As Sam pulled out his putter, he said,
"I think this green is gonna break left to right."

The robot then again spoke up and said,
"No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the clerk behind the counter asked,
"How was your game?"

Sam excitedly stated,
"It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week"

A week passed, and excited, Sam returned to the pro shop. Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the man behind the counter and said,
"I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to Sam and said,
"Well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

Confused, Sam cried,
"COMPLAINTS? Who in the hell could've complained about those robots? They were incredible!"

The clerk sighed and said,
"Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."

Sam said,
"So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The clerk nodded sadly and replied,
"We did. And then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, and the other two robbed the pro shop."

[Mac Daddy]

Grandpa and Grandma

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting their kids overnight, when
Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine
cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills,
and the son said, "I don't think you should take one;
they're very strong and very expensive."

How much?" asked Grandpa.

$10.00 a pill answered the son.


"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and
I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break
this $50.00 bill."

The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow.

He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not
$110.00."

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma

[Mac Daddy]

Attorney and the Drunk

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found
himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling
and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer
while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light,
slurring, "Well, it looks plastic."

Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But
it feels like rubber."

Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?"

The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like
plastic and feels like rubber."

The attorney responded, "Let me take a look."

So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled it
between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely
by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like
plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell
or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you
get it?"

The drunk replied, "Out of my nose.

[Mac Daddy]

Priceless ??

GRANDMA'S RETIREMENT PARTY

Festive Party At Nice Restaurant $400.00
Caterer $800.00
Beer, Wine &Liquor $500.00
Nude Male Stripper (per hour) $75.00
Pictures of Grandma blowing the Stripper:

Priceless !!