Mac Daddys Joke thread II (The Sequel)

Mac Daddy · April 27th, 2005, 03:09 AM

Multi-Syllable Words

Miss Adams was explaining multi-syllable words to her
third-grade class. "You all know single-syllable words
like hand, foot, house, and dog, but some words are
made up of more than one syllable," she said. "Now who
can give me an example of a word made up of MORE than
one syllable."

Little Johnny raised his hand eagerly.

"All right, Johnny , go ahead," smiled Miss Adams.

"Autoeroticism," beamed little Johnny.

"My goodness, Johnny, that's a mouthful," marveled Miss
Adams.

"No, Miss Adams, that's masturbation," explained Johnny.
"You're thinking of a blowjob."

Mac Daddy · April 27th, 2005, 03:12 AM

3 Blondes on an Island

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two.

The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge!

Mac Daddy · April 27th, 2005, 03:13 AM

Blonde and the Sheepherder

Once upon a time there was a blonde. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. "That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder.

"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman.

"Sure.", said the sheep herder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

Mac Daddy · April 27th, 2005, 03:14 AM

Blind Man in a Blonde Bar

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.

2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.

3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.

5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Mac Daddy · April 28th, 2005, 05:26 AM

Black Eyes

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."

Mac Daddy · April 28th, 2005, 05:28 AM

Farm Date

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''

The farmer shot Chuck.

Mac Daddy · April 28th, 2005, 05:29 AM

Beware

Mac Daddy · April 28th, 2005, 05:31 AM

Bad Wedding Sign

Mac Daddy · April 28th, 2005, 05:34 AM

Nothing To Go On

Mac Daddy · April 29th, 2005, 02:53 PM

Here's a quick one to keep things going until the weekend :dirol:

Anabolic Steroids

The varsity girls track team coach just couldn't seem
to win a meet. Six losses in a row! He decided it
would be best if he put his girls on anabolic steroids.
Soon his girls were performing like stars. They went
undefeated for the rest of the year. They won States
and were on their way to Nationals. On the bus trip,
Sally, the star sprinter struck up a conversation with
the coach...

Sally: "Coach, I have a problem!"

Coach: "What's that Sally?"

Sally: "I'm developing thick hair on my body!"

Coach: "What part of your body?"

Sally: "My chest coach."

Coach: "How far does the hair go down Sally?"

Sally: "Well coach, it goes clear down to my balls,
which is another thing I wanted to speak with you about!!!"